The Year of Confidence

You know how it goes one minute, you’re walking on air, convinced that the world is yours for the taking. The next? You’re staring at your reflection, wondering where that confident version of yourself went and how to get her back.

For me, confidence has always been this fleeting, elusive thing. Some months, I’m the most confident version of myself, strutting through life with a confidence that feels almost too effortless. And then, without warning, something happens a relationship shift or just life’s expectations and I lose it. It’s like a light flickering out. Gone.

Right now? My confidence is taking a snooze. Actually, make that a full-on hibernation. I’ve gone months without feeling truly sure of myself. It’s not a sad thing, necessarily—it’s more like a pause. A recalibration. Because the thing is, when I think about the woman I used to call confident, I hardly know her.

Here’s the kicker: my confidence used to be outsourced!!! I’d look to others to fuel my self-worth. Compliments, validation, the high of a relationship. And then,the downfall: when those external sources of confidence were yanked away, I was left with nothing but a big hole where my sense of self used to be.

But this year? I’m taking things back. This year, I’m not waiting for anyone else to give me confidence. I’m going to build it from the inside out. I’m not expecting it to happen overnight—this is a long-term project. But it’s time to do the work.

I’ll admit, it’s a little hard to be confident right now. Six months ago, I had this idea of where I’d be by now—job, relationship, you know the gist. Spoiler alert: none of that has happened. In fact, I’m currently single and without a job. And you know what? That’s okay.

Because here's the deal: confidence doesn’t come from external things. It’s the tiny steps that add up. So, for me, right now, it looks like starting small. Getting back to basics. And for me, that means posting here more. Yes, yes, I know a five-month hiatus isn’t exactly the definition of "consistency," but, I didn’t have the confidence to write. And that’s okay. But I’m back now.

nora