hi, it's been a minute

The last time I wrote was six months ago, and I said I’d write more. That didn’t exactly happen, unless you count a few scattered school assignments I barely put effort into during my final semester.

But re-reading that post made me want to come back. In the time since, I finished college, turned 22 (not as life-changing as I expected), and made some of the best memories with the people I love most. I graduated and started figuring out what comes next.

When I wrote last, I was completely overwhelmed by the pressure to get a job. I didn’t care what it was or where it was—I just wanted something to say so people wouldn’t think I wasn’t trying. Looking back, I’m almost glad nothing came through during that time. I was too focused on what things looked like from the outside.

It’s easy to lose your sense of self when you’re caught up in college, career advice, and trying to prove you’re ambitious. You start worrying more about how you’re seen than how you actually feel.

I’m still looking for a job, but I’m doing it differently now. I want something that makes sense for me, not something that just checks a box. I’m also figuring out what I actually enjoy. What do I like to do when no one’s watching? (Still not piano. That lasted a week.) What fills time in a way that doesn’t feel like I’m just passing it?

This in-between phase has been strange but necessary. The other day, I stopped in the middle of the street and realized I was real. Like, a real person. After months of thinking so hard about how I come across, it was almost shocking to remember I exist outside of that.

So right now, I’m letting myself take a beat. I’m spending time with people who know me best and trying to figure out what feels right for me. Where I’ll be in a year, what I’ll be doing—those answers will come. I just want to be sure I’m the one choosing them.

xo,

nf